valentine’s Day is only a few hours away and I would like very much for you to be my Valentine this year, Kelly Brook. You are a beautiful woman and I love how confident you are. People sometimes like to talk smack about you but it doesn’t seem to bother you in the least. I think I have a lot to learn from you for that reason alone. I know I’m a straight lady and I know that I’m married but couldn’t we be Valentines anyway? We could just get a cup of coffee – maybe see a movie. I know you’re probably very busy and I’m very busy too but I could scratch in a little time for you. I’m sure you’re straight but don’t worry – I am too, mostly anyway. This isn’t a romantic gesture but more of a gesture of respect and admiration. I hope you’ll accept my offer but there are only a few hours left. Perhaps I’ll try earlier next year.