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Hey look, everyone! Miley Cyrus wearing barely anything on the American Music Awards red carpet in LA. That’s totally new and shocking! We’ve never seen her half naked before. Seriously, Miley Cyrus? This is how you show us you’re all grown up? I have a better idea. Put out a movie that doesn’t target an audience of 12-16 year old girls. How about maybe making some music that isn’t mindless pop junk. Being a slut and flashing your body doesn’t make you grown up or mature. I mean, a lot of people can use a lot of words to describe Katy Perry – also known for flashing her body – but mature probably wouldn’t be on that list. And really, who wants another Katy Perry? We already have one. I wouldn’t mind seeing the real Miley Cyrus for once. Wouldn’t that be fun?

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Juliette Lewis is pretty hot, right? But she’s not the typical, boring, bland sort of hot you usually see in Hollywood actresses. No, Juliette Lewis is a special kind of hot. She’s the kind of hot that makes me a little afraid. Sure she’s pretty but I’m also well aware that she’s also more than capable of kicking my ass. Probably with her hands tied behind her back somehow. I love the girl, but she plays crazy just a little too well. I mean, Kalifornia? Natural Born Killers? Classic roles and brilliantly acted but if she’s not a little crazy herself she is the most phenomenal actress I’ve ever seen because she played both of those roles perfectly. So perfectly, in fact, that seeing her in her bikini in Los Cabos, Mexico makes me a little afraid. I’m scared she’s going to somehow know I’m ogling her hot body, show up at my door ‘My Name Is Earl’ bounty hunter style and knock my teeth out.

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Way back in 2004, I saw a movie and I fell in love with an actress. The movie was Mean Girls and the actress was Amanda Seyfried. I love the fact that Amanda is finally starting to come into her own and get the attention she deserves. It’s a little odd though. She’s been in a lot of movies I didn’t really like – Dear John and Letters to Juliet to name two recent examples – but I always love her performances. I couldn’t be more excited to see her in the upcoming Red Riding Hood and am positive more great things are coming in her future. I can’t wait to see where she takes her career. This woman is gorgeous and talented – a rare combination in Hollywood these days.

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I don’t know, folks. I just don’t find Kristin Cavallari that attractive. I mean, sure she’s pretty, but I’ve seen prettier girls waitressing at the bar here in town. I also can’t figure out why we care that she’s shopping in LA. Is she really still famous? Well, regardless, she does look pretty cute. I like celebrities dressed in their every day clothes doing every day things. It’s nice to be reminded that, like us, celebrities are just normal people. Maybe I’m being too hard on Kristin. She has a pretty nice ass. There’s just something about her that screams average. She does look good in a bikini though. Maybe I’d have a more favorable post to write is she was showing more skin.

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Anne Vyalitsyna may not be a household name but considering she’s been in the last six Sport Illustrated Swimsuit Issues, she’s definitely a recognizable face; or at least body. Anne, or Anne V as she’s also known, has been getting more attention as of late for her personal life as opposed to her work as a model thanks to her relationship with infamous womanizer Adam Levine; vocalist for Maroon 5. Here in Miami, Anne shows off some of the skills that landed her such a prestigious career and noteworthy boyfriend – those skills of course being the ability to look incredible in a bikini. No hate here though, folks. If I had a body that nice, I’d be showing if off every chance I got.

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‘Just breathe’ indeed. Oh Miley. I just can’t even find the words. It takes a pretty special performer to flash side boob on the red carpet and what may be a little camel toe on stage. Now we all know Miley has ‘just breathe’ tattooed on an area that, while not necessarily indecent, still isn’t on a place we should be able to see. I have so much to say about these pictures but, really, it will just turn into another giant rant about how much I loathe this chick. Instead, I’ll say the only thing nice I can say about these pictures. This is Miley Cyrus at the MTV Europe Music Awards. The end.

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