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I used to hate Gwyneth Paltrow with the fiery passion I usually reserve for self loathing but I felt the stuck up Brit-wannabe had it coming. I mean, GOOP? Have you ever been to that pretentious ‘lifestyle’ website that is basically Gwyn trying to show everyone how ‘normal’ she is when instead she just comes off as a clueless, rich c-word completely out of touch with what ‘normal’ actually is. Right. Anyway, despite that little mini rant, I’ve actually come to like her again. She seems capable of making fun of herself and I loved her appearance on Glee. That said, the woman needs to eat something. She has no breasts whatsoever. Saying she’s flat as a board would be insulting to boards. Somehow. I mean, here in Barbados, she looks a little scary skinny. Whatever, though. She’s still hot and I’m sure she couldn’t care less what I think. I know if I were here, I wouldn’t.

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Amanda Seyfried. What can I say about Amanda Seyfried that hasn’t already been said? She’s beautiful and surprisingly talented. She even looks good when she’s doing something as simple as moving. Who looks hot while they move? Amanda, apparently. Anywho, when last I spoke of Amanda, I said I hoped she didn’t get screwed over by Ryan Phillippe the way Reese did. What did I hear a few short weeks (maybe even days) after that post? That she got screwed over by Phillippe. She seems to be handling it well though. When asked about the drama she laughed it off. I’m sure there were tears later but honey, you are way too pretty to be shedding tears over that guy. Seriously.

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Before I get to talking about how hot Amber Heard looks in these pictures from BBC’s Top Gear, I’d like to talk about me for a second. Yes. Boring old me. Amber is going to be playing Chenault in (the far too long in the works) screen adaptation of Hunter S. Thompson’s amazing book, ‘The Rum Diary’. There are three things that inspired me to be a freelance writer – my insanely erratic sleep schedule, my need for gainful employment while I finish my book and before it becomes a best seller and finally the words of Hunter S. Thompson. My prized possession is a first edition copy of ‘Hell’s Angels’. I even stole the name ‘Chenault’ for my Twitter name although I had to use an underscore at the beginning and the end because someone else beat me to the idea. Jerks. I can’t friggin’ wait for this movie to come out. Johnny Depp, Aaron Eckhart, Giovanni Ribisi and Amber Heard? Yes. It will be epic. Amber is the perfect girl for the role – sexy yet innocent with a bit of a retro vibe going on. This will be ridiculous. Anyway, yes. Moving on. Amber Heard looks hot in these pictures and that classy, yet sexy, gray dress. Did I mention she’s going to be playing Chenault in ‘The Rum Diaries’?

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Until now, I’d never heard of blond beauty Petra Silander and I feel a little sad about that. Honestly though, I don’t think I’ve really missed all that much. Although this pretty supermodel really knows how to rock some black lingerie, I can’t help feeling a little bored with these pictures from the new Palmers Campaign. She looks hot as hell. There’s no denying that, but there’s nothing all that unique or remarkable about her. She has a sort of throwback to the sixties look I dig but other than that, you could put any other pretty blond with a nice body in her place and the pictures would be just as hot. She’s gorgeous and I look forward to seeing more of her, but she’s definitely not my favorite.

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Everyone wants to make a splash when they hit the red carpet and Eliza Doolittle definitely did that at The Brits 2011. She looked incredible, wearing a plain dress that showed off her sexy body – especially those gorgeous legs – but didn’t scream ‘look at me’. Well, not until she turned around, anyway. Her shoes… well, let’s talk about the tail first. I just don’t get what that’s all about. I can understand her desire to draw attention to that lovely caboose of hers, but to cover it up entirely? No. I don’t like that at all. I look at this and wonder if perhaps there was a hole in her dress she was trying to cover or a stain she needed to conceal at the last minute. At the same time, I like the splash of color added to the basic white dress, but she could have relied on her painfully ugly shoes for that. I’m not feeling this whole look, but I still love adorable Eliza.

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Vanessa Hudgens. Vanessa Hudgens half naked. I’m not entirely sure when talking about a Vanessa Hudgens photo shoot one need to mention her lack of clothing. At this point, it’s almost assumed, isn’t it? I mean, sure, sometimes she’s playing up the cute, innocent side of her but she’s always half naked while she does it. It’s hard to argue with the logic that probably goes into that plan though. Her biggest asset really is that she’s hot. She’s a mediocre actress and an alright singer. Her body sets her apart from some of her more talented contemporaries so why not show it off. Aside from that, she obviously works hard at keeping herself in shape. Maybe I’ll stop hating on this one. Really, she’s not doing anything different than many of her peers. I’m officially removing Vanessa from my gripe list. It was pretty crowded anyway.